I've been contemplating my relationship with her, trying to make the right choice. She went for a job interview on Friday morning, 30 Sept 2005 and she received this call from the company that she got it that very same evening. I'm glad she's happy. She needed the job, been so stuck being at home all day. But...yeah, there's a but, she wouldn't be able to meet and chat with me as much because of work,long hours. I totally understand but i'm afraid and insecure and selfish at the same time. I didn't want to lose her to someone she probably would acquainte for all kinds of reasons because of work/because she gets to get out more. Don't bother with the branding cause i've already done so."TheMOSTSelfishFriendOftheYear" I know i'm really afraid to lose her and yet i can't commit to her, not yet. And before she had to go, i told her about my insecurities and once again, she gave me assurance and time. Lots'of time. And we are gotten exchange emails, hopefully daily. And the funny thing is, she wants to remit money to me..i was joking one day and she took it to heart..hmm, now what would i say about that? Anyway, I just wish i could one day, some day, tell her i love her from the core of my heart. I really do but i can't do it now, cause i wouldn't wanna make a stupid mistake twice, would i?

Ok, now i'm really feeling the stress. What with IAP and examinations. And stupid stupid project presentations. I mean, I love presentations, i just don't like the doing part of it cause unnecessary arugments stem from it all the time. And i hate that. Again, hatred is always what i feel first. I'm a bad person but i change. And then i'm forgiven again so as long as hatred strays my way. Today, i went with my mum for late lunch, she was talking about my brother who's all rebellious and my mum said whatever my brother is doing and feeling now is gotten drive him further away from the family. And to my surprise, she actually expressed her disappointment and hopelessness for him. I've always thought he's the one you know. Better grades, better features, being a extrovert and all...but...no. My mum got someone to read his fortune and future life and it's what that person said about my brother. That he will eventually leave the family and from his parents. I don't like what i'm hearing, of course. I still think he would change as Time pass for Time is a good teacher and giver. We will see what happens. I can't really say anything now except i could be a beyond huge and heartbreaking disappointment. Hello? Gay now? She expects a lot from me, i could hear that in her tone. And i know i'm gotten let her down. Bad.

Gotten get something i've never expected these couple of days, perhaps tomorrow afternoon...it's gotten be useful and hopefully i didn't make the wrong choice.