It came true and I was dead on. Eva is falling in love with someone else and it's definitely not me. At least I know his name. What was I fucking thinking that I could make someone who's been a heterosexual all her freaking life fall in love with a nobody homosexual me? I must be dreaming and fucking lying to myself. You know how I would always be waiting for her emails like some idiot who has lost her brain? Well, I finally received her email today and it's one of the not so good feelings...She was talking to me about Jorge about how they spent everyday chatting and really getting to know one another and how Jorge never forget about her etc..What I didn't like was the part where she apologized for the manner she chatted with me a.k.a flirting. I didn't like that. It's like I'm making her believe that whatever we have been sharing and felt was a mistake. And it's most definitely not. So I was pretty upset when I read the email and out of some stupid anger or jealousy, I repiled to her in the email saying that she should be Jorge, at least it's natural and normal and he's nearer to her than I am physically..and minutes after I sent the email, I regretted. Eva came online just in time to save me with honesty and rationality. She told me she didn't like the email I've sent to her and the moment I saw her, all those rage and jealously and loss of losing someone/something so dear came up to my head and overwhelmed me. I kept saying stupid stuff and I was hell demanding. I know I shouldn't be feeling the way I should but I couldn't control. Thank God, Eva was the one who's all clear and rational and talked me through. So now I'm ok, no bad feelings and no demanding-controlling asshole in my brain. Maybe that's why I like her so much. She could do things I could never.

Anyway, it's been almost 2 days since we've rudely interrupted by her mother and the conversation has to be cut short. I totally understand the deal with parents and their kids..but right now I just wish she'll be online somehow. She's returning home for Christmas and it's impossible to say if she would come online before I return to school. And she has not been sending me any emails. So I'm a little worried and unsettled...and the wait continues.