Ok, people now I know why 'F' stands for Father. Well, because the letter 'F' also stands for 'Fucked'. Sorry all but I'm on the mad here.

Anyway, I know how long I've been gone and for those who are actually interested in my life, I'm sorry. Today's the 1st of August which marks my roughly 3.5 months in Temasek Poly. A lot has went down. Let's start, shall we?

Wisdom tooth extraction was done 2 Tuesdays back, got my stitches removed this afternoon. Everyone who knows me knows I have a dentist phobia and I really mean phobia. But the pain got worse and it had to come out. And my heart was beating so fast and I was being a chicken and the most amazing thing happened. I felt no pain. Nothing at all. Was all that heart beating all for nothing? I wonder...Now that I have the stitches out, maybe I can start eating and brushing again..not that I've not been brushing cause I do.

My personal life has been a total wreck. I couldn't stay in the same space with my parents and my brother more than 1 microsecond. I can't understand why I couldn't see the light. It's a long and boring story and I couldn't deal with judgements now. I just wanna feel appreciated, you know, that I actually meant something.

My mum had this allergy thing going on with her hands and feets and I think it's contagious because I'm having it too. It sucks; just when you think I could finally had a breather after the whole tooth thing and the fever and flu before, now I had to endure peeling and hurt cause the new skin's exposed. I couldn't sleep at night, not that I'm doing a great job before and I think it's taking a toil on me. And of course, my mum denied everything and took every single opportunity she could to lecture me about hygiene and wearing the same pair of socks and shoes 24/7 which I so fucking do not. Because if it's really about my shoes, how come my left foot is ok? And I know I do not wear shoes on my hands...


Met with Fizah on Monday, 7th August and stayed over at her place. I really needed that, the whole familiarity and getting away from people. I was really happy to see her and I finally knew where her workplace was which took a while. And she finally obtained her driving license!! YEAH!

12th & 13th August 2006
Had to attend the GEMS training at Suntec in preparation for Singapore 2006 aka IMF and World Bank. I've never been more bored to tears for any other presentations. The presenter had a lot to share, which is nice but who ever has to sit through a 120 powerpoint slideshow or go through ridiculous roleplays? And not mentioning the coldness of cold in the room...God, waking up at 7 and getting off at around 4,5 for 2 freaking days that should have been enjoyed more appropriately..like staying at home and doing something sucked! I'm assigned to Room Services, probably starting the shift from 6.30 am to 7pm. Suntec Singapore is building 1000 offices for the delegates and I'm attending to their needs..I like "Room Service" a lot...so very cool...:P(all but innocent thoughts...)

This week in school is filled with tests and revision lectures...which could only mean a very dreadful thing - Exams! I'm not so sure about anything anymore. I hope I could pull through...30th will be the last paper and I had to start my IMF training on the 1st.


Nothing ever works for me. I'm a pathetic bastard who walks the Earth aimlessly and unhappily and not knowing how to get to where I wanna to be. I hold secrets all the time, from people I thought I loved and trust. I couldn't tell anyone anything and I could do nothing but maybe wait. I couldn't even meet new people. There's this girl, her name was Nicole, she's HT course and I see her in school, sitting outside the lecture halls, sometimes alone, sometimes with her classmates. I wanted to know her name and it was stupid. Stupid & awkward.

I'm so exhausted, felt so lost...I'm desperate for comfort, understanding, unconditioned love, time, sleep, inspiration, maybe money...I couldn't even cry anymore..I miss having my heart filled and I miss looking forward to good things...I miss not having to be super alone, you know? I wish people could see me, people like family.