Ok, i know how much I've not been updating this thing.

Went to the Snow City and Sentosa on Thursday and Friday respectively. I'm totally exhausted..watched American Next Top Model at Fizah's house and I barely made the last bus...Took lots of photos..just waiting to receive them and people can check them out on Friendster or maybe I'll update this blog and add photos..Should really start on my Marketing CA which is the 2nd week of January..I think I know nothing about the module and I really need time to seriously read them through and try to understand. I realized I wrote too much in my last assignment, Gigantic waste of time! Although I got the correct answers down anyway.

I finally delivered what I promised. Several treats, a couple sets of DVDs, birthday presents, a pair of giordano pants, some good lunches and dinners at better places...it was all good. All good 'til I'm all spent. I still have not call HMV to see there're vacancies. I'm a chicken with human skin on.

Dee and her brother are currently into this online war game..and they seemed to be having loads of fun. Dee even got to know this guy from Spain. I told her I'm no good with games and that I could be an idiot. But...for the sake of making her happy and having the chance to interact with her brother, i signed on. Now i have millions worth of goldcoins, hundreds of humans that I could utilized for I am Queen of my Kingdom, appropriately named The Kingdom of Maclay. And I'm human, with acres of land to explore, people to train as soldiers, wizards etc...

Marketing Proposal...brains squashed...pockets burned

In mere days, I am already one sixth through my DVDs collections which by the way is bigger than ever..I'm covering Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The O.C., The L Word, Smallville, Tru Calling, Dark Angel...and in the process of getting BtVs Season 5 and 6 and The O.C. Season 2, I'm like half depleted. Plus dinner and coffee bean...God, i've spent more than i could save. That's why the having-to-call-HMV-to-see-if-they-have-vacancies has to come in...People would be happy to know that nothing's edited. They are actually having censorship problems so there isn't BtVS Season 6 anywhere in Singapore. It's the scenes and the way the story is, I assumed.

Looking forward to chatting with her tonight, got lots to tell her but i can't tell her everything, you know...can't tell her how much i miss her and want her and want her to be here when she is one and a half day away from me. She wouldn't know how it is for me. So hard, and lonely and empty. Why is it that i can't explain such confusion? I don't wanna hurt her like i did and she's the only one who could love me the way she does. Am I just jealous and that all these feelings are just temporary and will go away as soon as i tell her?

I thought I could at least deserve a bit of love.

Ok..I know I've not been updating my blog so here I am. Received my cheque for $480 finally, was happy cause I'm out of the I'm-always-broke club for at least several months, I hope. Right now, Fizah's my treasurer and I'm supposed to give her 5 bucks everyday so at the end of 20 days, I would have 100 bucks, to cover my DVDs..Totally on the search looking for the best bargain now. Located several places but have yet been there. Went to the ice skating rink in Jurong..where I remembered I hurt my head real bad when I fell..the tiny phobia still lingers..but I tell myself to be brave and that there's nothing I cannot do and I actually did not fall today. I was proud of myself. Went to IMM, shopped a while...real tired, took pictures, overall it was fun.

I'm been searching deep down in my soul, wondering what could come out of this life. Of course, I don't know yet. Plus the ever confusing relationship with her. I don't know, every time I saw a couple or when i needed company, i would always think of her or when I saw something nice, I would like her to be here so we could share, you know, stuffs..I was the one who called it quits in the first place and right now, I should be more comfortable with where we are now but I'm not exactly so. I can't be sure if I love her, like I really really want her to be my girlfriend and I can't talk about it with her cause that would bring back old memories and triggers for more unnecessary arguments which i have had before. I miss her, and think about her most of the time, and she thinks about me most of the time, but she's so faraway and it seems to be so unrealistic..she's there and i'm here and we're not together. How can I be sure of my feelings for her? I don't wanna hurt her but I don't have the answers either.

For the past few weeks, been hanging out with Fizah and Yanti after school..which is fun, funny and the bond is so much stronger now. Had a misunderstanding with Yanti the other day regarding a stupid Marketing Project but now we're cool.