The day before yet another major paper and 2 days before the last paper. I'm stuck in my brain, can't seem to absorb anything. Made dinner today, and my father praised me for it. I couldn't do nothing all day and i had weird dreams in the morning. And then came the Amazing Race and Charmed, lighted up my day or night for that mattter, instantly. I gave up on the notes and i just pray hard that i'll at least get a B, though the world knows i want and need an A. Nothing much to write about really...yeah, supposed to be burning the oil for tomorrow's paper and things kinda got in the way so here i am, writing my blog at home, waiting for the laundry. God,it has been a long time since i have to feel nervous or inadequate for an exam paper. I stopped having such feelings since i came to ITE but that's all that i'm feeling from the bloody day i knew about the dates for the exams. God, i hate this feeling, it's making me all weak and useless.

I think I'm gotten cut my hair this Friday, i mean if i suddenly have enough money for a decent hair cut. And i'm probably gotten watch Jodie Foster's FlightPlan, heard it's real good. Hmm, and the picture, i thought i tried out the feature and stuff, you know, see how it turned out..since all my other entries are nothing but words that did a splendid job at boring people.

I just hope tomorrow and the day after tomorrow come and go as soon as i close my eyes cause i would take Survivor and a possible haircut over exam papers anyday.

Aftermath of a very dragging and smoky model competition at Macpherson ITE, 15 Oct 2005. God i thought i could die in there! I was tired and as sick as the word sick is. What with sore throat, headache, flu and mild cough. I'm getting sick too easily these days. Gotten remember to drink enough H2O. The modelling thing was called Mr and Miss ITE, involved 5 campuses, Macpherson being the host campus and god, they suck. The show was supposed to start from 5.30 but it started at 7, with most people's bored and dying to get out. They were killing the enthusiasism in people. And god, did i mention the music?

Talked with D, she knows she talk stupid sometimes, clinging onto unimportant and senseless topics she just couldn't seem to understand/get over. As usual, i had to be patient with her. And then after that, she would sms me and tell me how ridiculous she has been the night before. And then we were talking about this trip with her co-workers to Singapore. I'm not sure if they are really coming. I'm kinda nervous. I mean, i'm gotten see her in person. And because we needed to cut down on the nervousness, she suggested we start talking on the phone..again,i'm nervous, i don't know. It's just nerve-wrecking. I mean, yeah, we talked once in the phone completed with poor reception and robotic kind of Q & A..she actually asked about school and the weather. I know that we are nervous to a point where we probably stop thinking and start making words that we don't understand and i wanna change that. It's only fair that we are comfortable with each other. She wants to call me after the exams...

Exams. EVM. My mum took me to this fortune teller in Johor some months back. She told me i had to really focus on my studies to get the usual good grades. And i realized now how true her words are. I mean, i don't usually believe in stuff like that because i don't think we should know stuffs like that unless they are truly meant for us, you know, like the Heaven's secrets or something. Anyway, i got back to school to a brilliant lady who's my form teacher plus other not-so-fun modules..my grades could really take the fall. I'm unwilling to give up on the stupid modules with my life being more interesting and plus, I was worried that i couldn't get the As i needed for poly and personal satisfaction and i was freaking out and still am freaking out when i couldn't memorize any of my notes! There are a million other things i wanted to do instead of notes and you don't know how wrong it felt in my guts. So i tried to do the notes for the first paper, Events Management and i think i got most of the key points in my brain...God Blesses and I'll pull through. I'm off to my notes now!

But before that, this lovely song lifted up my spirits a little:

"She's walking there alone
No one by her side
She manages to fight the tears but
The pain inside
She can't hide
And all the tears she's cried
The moment she closes her eyes she starts
Thinking of you
The dreams that she had one time
Have gone away
Will they ever come true?
All she needs is… all she needs is you
And she wishes today
Was one year ago
When you cared so much for her
And loved her so
Not a doubt in her mind that it would still be you
Cause the love that you shared… it was true
You never thought about it,
What you made her feel
You promised you'd stay together,
But the hope she once had… so unreal
All she needs is… all she needs is you
And she wishes today
Was one year ago
When you cared so much for her
And loved her so
Not a doubt in her mind that it would still be you
Cause the love that you shared… it was true"

By:

Extremely pissed and stressed now. Apparently, i can't handle the exams. Maybe i'm not trying hard enough,i don't know. Chatted with D the other night which was our 3rd purely-friendship anniversary, expressing thoughts about each other, it's all still subtle and innocent except it's about sex. We're not having virtual sex something, if people wanna know. It's merely sharing of thoughts and opinions that apparently won't go away in our heads and it's becoming our fave topic. We weren't sure if it's ok to be talking about it because we're purely friends and i wanna keep it that way, platonic and safe. I started it first, my bad but it's still cool, thankfully.

Again, with the giving up of the stupidest IPOD ever. I have downloaded 36 songs in the I-Tunes and i can't seem to work the IPOD. For God's sake, I followed every step. I think it's the battery. Hmm...maybe i should get it changed. This is frustrating to the max!

(For whoever knew nothing about BtVS, you know you should skip this part)
Made a realization today about Willow and Tara, about why Amber Benson didn't wanna come back in season 7 and why she made the comment that said "If i do come back, I will have to be bad and i don't wanna be bad." Well, i think i know why. I realized whoever came back in s7 was sort of bad..like Bastard Warren and all those made-believe ghosts. If someone deceased was to come back like Cassie Newton or one of the PS, they are most likely back to screw and bring pain, not assistance or love. I've been reading these fan fic where Tara came back after her death, twice as a vampire. Gee, imagine the odd of that. And with vampires being the natural enemy of the Slayer, Willow and the Scoobies were practically torn and nobody wants that. The only reason for someone very dead to be un-dead was just because they could mess up life on Hellmouth and with the First moving in..it could only be worse. I wouldn't want a deader Tara cause that's gotten hurt like hell twice as bad. We'll see how the story goes..

Before we left for home on Tuesday, 11.10.05, Mrs. Angie Lee said something that i remembered. It was the last PR class and she had to say things like 'Hey, this is the last time she's teaching us cause apparently Mrs. Heng did not give her any of our modules..." I was sad, actually. The fact that it was indeed our last class with her surprisely made me sad. I'm never part of the hate-Angie league even though that doesn't mean i don't dislike her...for a certain degree, she could be tiny bit of nuisance. And even with that, thoughts of having a last class with her didn't quite sit well with me...I don't know...

Damn, exams.

Well, what should i write today? How about exams and a new friend? Exams are coming and i hated how it made mee feel. All stressed out and guilty when i'm doing anything but books. I have tons of notes i have to squeeze into my tiny-as-a-pea-sized brain and i've not started nothing yet. I tried, you know, i always do but i need a change of environment, maybe, like the library or somewhere quiet. Being at home is too much of a distraction, what with the computer and songs and the bed; nobody forgets the bed. I hope my brain works soon cause i certainly have no time to lose.

A new friend,Harry,21,Malaysian,courtesy of Deepa. They met over the internet. We exchanged a couple of emails and she told me about this hurtful friendship she used to have and how she's confused about her own sexuality. I tried to help her, by questioning and understanding her situation. I can't say she's truly a homosexual cause i don't know yet. Neither does she even though to some extent, she thought she is. I do hope she make the right choices cause in life, whatever decision you make, they come back 3 times as bad/as good as what we call and sometimes dread-consequences. We are gotten talk more though.

Now, at least 3 persons thought i'm mature for my age. I guess i'm taking that as a compliment. I wouldn't wanna be an asshole and ended arrogant or something.I'm just saying what i feel and think is right and i didn't know i do not sound like a 18+ should be. Haha! Well, i'm me..take it/leave it.

Yeah, before i forgot, movies too. "Into the Blue" starring Jessica Alba, Paul Walker and Ashley Scott..these are some of the more familiar faces. It's about treasure-hunting, drugs, relationships and bonds, money, especially money or what they called "cheese". It had a happy ending, with gold and sunken 150 years old ship called Zephyr or something. I love the end part..with sharks and all those blood and violence. It definitely woke me up from a slumber I nearly fall into earlier.




The Ipod thing seems to be working for me..so it's good, i think. It took me 3 days to figure it out..and i'm glad i did. Super tired..was even late for school this morning, like i care! Anyway, i can't seem to focus on the more important things like exams. God help me!

I've been contemplating my relationship with her, trying to make the right choice. She went for a job interview on Friday morning, 30 Sept 2005 and she received this call from the company that she got it that very same evening. I'm glad she's happy. She needed the job, been so stuck being at home all day. But...yeah, there's a but, she wouldn't be able to meet and chat with me as much because of work,long hours. I totally understand but i'm afraid and insecure and selfish at the same time. I didn't want to lose her to someone she probably would acquainte for all kinds of reasons because of work/because she gets to get out more. Don't bother with the branding cause i've already done so."TheMOSTSelfishFriendOftheYear" I know i'm really afraid to lose her and yet i can't commit to her, not yet. And before she had to go, i told her about my insecurities and once again, she gave me assurance and time. Lots'of time. And we are gotten exchange emails, hopefully daily. And the funny thing is, she wants to remit money to me..i was joking one day and she took it to heart..hmm, now what would i say about that? Anyway, I just wish i could one day, some day, tell her i love her from the core of my heart. I really do but i can't do it now, cause i wouldn't wanna make a stupid mistake twice, would i?

Ok, now i'm really feeling the stress. What with IAP and examinations. And stupid stupid project presentations. I mean, I love presentations, i just don't like the doing part of it cause unnecessary arugments stem from it all the time. And i hate that. Again, hatred is always what i feel first. I'm a bad person but i change. And then i'm forgiven again so as long as hatred strays my way. Today, i went with my mum for late lunch, she was talking about my brother who's all rebellious and my mum said whatever my brother is doing and feeling now is gotten drive him further away from the family. And to my surprise, she actually expressed her disappointment and hopelessness for him. I've always thought he's the one you know. Better grades, better features, being a extrovert and all...but...no. My mum got someone to read his fortune and future life and it's what that person said about my brother. That he will eventually leave the family and from his parents. I don't like what i'm hearing, of course. I still think he would change as Time pass for Time is a good teacher and giver. We will see what happens. I can't really say anything now except i could be a beyond huge and heartbreaking disappointment. Hello? Gay now? She expects a lot from me, i could hear that in her tone. And i know i'm gotten let her down. Bad.

Gotten get something i've never expected these couple of days, perhaps tomorrow afternoon...it's gotten be useful and hopefully i didn't make the wrong choice.