Yesterday, we had SEX ED in school. It's actually part of a campaign project and the topic is Pratice Safe Sex. My kind of topic. They touched on HIV/AIDS, gave statistics on the number of heterosexuals and homosexuals who got AIDS. I listened as i always did and i got affected again. Especially about things homosexual. I hate myself for that. How i could get so pissed off and i don't know, angry about stuffs being said. I should not care about a thing the world has to say but i can't. I get influenced so easily that i'm weak now, no longer standing for myself and what i believed in. I wrote an email to a youth counsillor in United States and asked her advice on coming out to my family and i received her reply yesterday. She suggested i could talk to my parents, make them understand who i am and that i'm happy and i should give them a chance to voice their concerns too. But she also wants me to take my time, it's not like i have to get married or something.

It has been a busy week. Friendship Day's on Tuesday, 3 hours walk around Yishun on Wednesday and EVM report on Thursday till 5pm. I've been so tired but it's good now cause i could work on my story now.

Yesterday night is like spending time in a microwave. Rabiah's air con and fan kinda broke down and i ended not sleeping and sweating. It's amazing how the girl could sleep. I stayed over because of this Friendship Day thing that i had to go for and it's in ITE Tampines which is really far from Yishun. I had to be there by 8 in the morning. I could be late so i stayed over. I didn't have any money cause all that went into Bear's red packet, it's the girl's 19th birthday! Anyway now i owe Ah Wei $15 for lunch. I'm all exhausted and red from all the games under the sun for 6 hours. I saw ex-motivators like Taufik-lookalike and Sufi. There was supposed to be this prize giving ceremony after the game but everyone was half dead and some teams even left after lunch which was around noon. Some of the games were fun like the human froose game. I've enjoyed it quite a bit even though i ended up with a bleeding cut thumb and lost the game...and of course, we skipped the prize ceremony and went home after the last game. Took 969 home and found my seat covered with baby roaches. I tried to read but i was too tired. Now I'm so tired i can't spell roaches in full.

My friendster's on active mode again...and i managed to show her my photo. She was thrilled even though it wasn't super clear..but at least she knew how i looked like. It's all fair game now.I guess we'll be chatting this Friday after her job interview. Tomorrow's a new day of school...we'll see what happens then.

Went to Funan IT Mall yesterday. Fizah wanted to check out mp3 players and we had lasagna. Spotted Seaseon 3 of BtVS. Last night was The O.C.'s season finale, Ryan got physical with his blood brother, Trey, Kristen's shipped off to rehab after Seth told her to go, Jimmy and Hallie came back for Cal's funeral, the Coopers are coming back strong. Marissa let Summer in on what actually happened that night...and then there's a gun. Again. Did i tell you how much i hated guns? I hope Season 3 comes soon. Season 3 is going to open with Trey in coma, DDA targeting Ryan and stuff and Kristen regaining her life back.

IAP. Worried. Nervous, hope i don't fail and disgrace myself...still waiting for the details. Class could be having a party of sorts soon...everyone seems enthusiatic enough when Mrs. Lee brought it up in class. Now that projects are over, i will have to work on my exam revision which i know nuts and it scares me...and i will have to believe that everything is going to be all right.

Trying to organize something for the old class...everyone's extremely busy with life. It's hard and could be expensive. I'm still getting it down and hopefully,we will have a wonderful reunion.

May 7, 2003

The sun was coming over the horizon making the darkened sky give way from deep blue to crimson. Another perfect southern California day was dawning, and Willow hated the universe for it. This day should be cloudy and the sky should be drizzling rain like tears, but it wasn't. She glanced down at the yahrzeit candle sitting on the windowsill. She had lit it the night before, on the eve on this day. One year had passed since she lost the other half of her soul and the yahrzeit candle would continue burning throughout the entire day to commemorate the anniversary.

“Willow?” Buffy asked as she made her way across the living room and stopped behind her best friend. “What are you doing up so early?” She noticed that Willow was already dressed in her formal outfit, the one she had taken three weeks to pick out.

“Hey,” Willow turned and tried for a smile, but only managed to lift one corner of her lips. Willow's smile had not reached her eyes in 365 days.

“Willow?” Buffy asked gently.

“I have to go to the…” Willow froze. She still couldn't say the word cemetery, not when she was talking about Tara, not when she was talking about visiting Tara's grave. She could talk about vampires and crypts and cemeteries all day long, but not when it involved the love of her life. “I have to go again, before well, you know, with the thing…” Tears filled her eyes as she considered what the day held.

“The sun's not up yet,” Buffy cautioned. “There could be nasties lurking.”

“Hence me waiting here,” Willow said with a half-hearted smile. Everything Willow did was half-hearted since losing Tara. “For the sun to come up, and the nasties to go back to wherever it is they go.”

“You want me to go with you?” Buffy offered.

Willow shook her head. So much of her life with Tara had been private, something treasured, not shared with anyone. It didn't seem right to share this either.

“Okay,” Buffy agreed.

*****

Willow finished her prayer silently as she knelt over Tara's grave. One year. One year had passed and every day Willow had said the Kaddish for her lover. One year, 365 days she had recited the prayer for the dead. Tara was dead. The tears came in a torrent, emotion flooding Willow like a choking tidal wave. She ran her hand over the neatly trimmed grass and allowed her grief to flow freely. The tears had lessened after the first seven months, but lately, the last month, the tears had gotten worse each day. It was time to let Tara go.

“Okay, so I know this is the day,” Willow said when she composed herself enough to speak. She picked at the grass, much like she had once done to Tara's beautiful blonde hair. “This is the sending you on to heaven and we should be happy because your soul gets to move on day.” Hebrew tradition described that a soul stayed on earth for a year after the end of a life, and once that time passed, the soul would move on to heaven.

Willow felt tears filling her eyes again. “But, see, here's the deal.” She glanced at the covered headstone a few feet away. “I'm not ready for you to move on. I know, that's selfish, but you moving on means you leaving me, and that's just not something I'm ready for. This is me being selfish girl, but if that means I get to keep you, then just crown me queen of the selfish lesbians right now and be done with it.” She let out a slow sigh. “So, now I just have to explain to Mister Miller that he needs to take that … take that … thing right back where he got it.” She waved a hand at the covered granite headstone.

A gentle breeze kissed Willow's skin and she took a shuddering breath. This happened often when she was here at Tara's grave in the chilly morning. There wasn't supposed to be any warm breeze when the morning was crisp and the sun hadn't yet warmed the air. The breeze wasn't supposed to warm Willow's skin, warm her deep within, but it did. It always did when she was at her lowest, and Willow knew exactly what warmed the air, exactly who warmed the air so it could offer comfort loving arms had once given freely.

“Tara, I can't do this.” She wrapped her arms around her chest, wanting to keep the touch of the warmed air against her skin. “I know you need to move on and see your mom and do all the things that you need to do.” She sniffled. “Damn it, Tara. I know all that.” She stood and paced, her feet somehow never leaving the rectangular area that covered Tara. “I don't want you to move on. I don't want to move on,” she yelled.

Buffy had suggestion that it was time for Willow to start dating, and that fight had almost ended with Willow moving out.

“So, here's what I'm gonna do,” Willow said as she continued pacing. “I'll do the unveiling. I'll say the words, but I will not let you go. You are staying right here.” She pounded on her chest. “You are in my heart, and I am not letting you go,” she decreed. “End of discussion.” She paused and looked down at the grass under her feet. “No arguments. Sorry. I'm just not gonna do it. You can move on after I die and then I'll help you catch up on any of the ghosty chores you get behind on and then we can hang out here while I do my year and then we'll just be together.” She smiled and nodded, considering the topic closed.

The warm breeze brushed past Willow again, this time swirling around the redhead for a few seconds.

“Damn it, Tara, no,” Willow said as the tears returned. “Don't take that breezy tone with me. You, with the airy hugs, and the leaves moving over the grass and the warm goose bumps on my arms. No. Tara, no.”

Warmth filled Willow's senses and she realized she wasn't going to be able to stay angry while she was being overwhelmed with a sense of complete love and devotion.

“Well, okay then.” Willow sniffled and sat on the grass next to the covered headstone. “Just as long as we're clear on the whole me not letting you go thing.” She pulled a package of Kleenex out of her pocket and wiped her eyes. “This will get easier, right?” she asked as she rested her hand on the chilled grass. “Yeah, I didn't think so,” she whispered.

***** At ten minutes to eleven that morning, Xander pulled up in front of the cemetery. This was definitely somewhere he did not want to be, but he knew he couldn't be anywhere else.

“We're going to be late,” Dawn whined.

“We're not gonna be late,” Xander said as he tugged at his tie. “We have ten minutes.”

“We should have been here earlier,” Dawn insisted. “We should have helped her set up.”

“Is there food?” Buffy asked. “Is this a food deal? Should we have brought food like the reception for mom's funeral?”

“No food,” Anya said as she opened her door. “What with Willow fasting today, that would be rude.” She glared at the others, angry that the same people who always pointed out her social errors seemed so inept when dealing with Willow's grief. She stood and slammed the door closed, then leaned on top of the car.

“I can't believe Anya just called us rude,” Xander complained.

“I can't believe she was right,” Buffy said quietly. She nodded toward the sloping grass knoll where they were heading. “We should go,” she added quietly. She climbed out of the car and held the door as Dawn followed.

“She's not getting any better,” Dawn whispered.

“Sure she is,” Buffy argued.

“It's been a year, and she still looks … broken,” Dawn whispered. “How long is she gonna look broken?” She shivered, even though the sun had already begun warming the air.

“She'll be fine,” Buffy said. “After today, she'll let Tara go, and then it'll get better. I swear.”

“It's all good from here,” Xander added as he slammed his door closed. “What with the letting go, the moving on, and then Willow we be back to our happy, babbling, perky Willster.”

“You're an ass,” Anya said in a bored tone. “That kind of break doesn't heal.”

“Hey,” Xander whined. “I am not an ass. Remember me? Mister chauffeur guy? The guy who picked you up and drove you here?”

“Yes, I remember,” Anya raised one eyebrow. “The one who didn't drive me home the day he left me at the altar?”

Dawn smirked. At least some things never changed.

“Guys, can we focus?” Buffy asked. She shook her head and tried not to smile. Xander seemed to step into it at every turn.

“Yes, focus,” Anya said. “We need to go watch Willow pretend she hasn't been ripped in two.” She cleared her throat, trying to keep her voice from cracking. “And not literally,” she added quickly. “I'm talking about her heart, not her actually ripping in half like she did to that bastard.” She crinkled her brows. “Though, she actually skinned him more than split him in two…”

“Anya!” Buffy interrupted. “Focus?”

“What? I'm focused.” Anya folded both arms over her chest.

“Rules?” Buffy asked.

Anya sighed petulantly. “Fine,” she grumbled. “Rule one, no mentioning of the fact that Tara is actually dead. Two, no mentioning of War- Um, that rat bastard who made her that way, and three, no mentioning of any form of torture, maiming, killing, cursing, or disemboweling.” She glared at Buffy. “And just for the record, disemboweling should fall under both torture and maiming. It's redundant.”

“Whatever, just don't mention it,” Buffy grabbed Dawn and headed up the small hill toward the top of the cemetery.

*****

“Hey, guys,” Willow said as soon as she saw her friends approach. She moved away from the covered headstone and tried to smile.

“Hey, Will,” Buffy hugged her best friend, holding her close, then backed away. She took one of Willow's hands and cradled it between both of hers.

“So, is there gonna be a Rabbi?” Anya asked.

Buffy, Dawn, and Xander glared at the former demon.

“What?” Anya whined. “I didn't mention anything on the list.”

“No Rabbi,” Willow said with sad smile. “Tara wasn't Jewish.” She didn't mind Anya's questions. After Joyce's death, Willow had learned that Anya asked questions to come to grips with her own emotions.

Anya tilted her head to one side. “So, why have you been doing the prayer for the dea- uh, the prayer every day?” She almost turned to Buffy and pointed out how skillfully she had avoided using the word 'dead.'

“Because…” Willow gave Anya her full attention. “I'm Jewish. It helps. It gives me a sense of consistency.”

Anya nodded and looked down at the ground. There was no consistency since Tara's death. She had been the glue that held their group together, the one who reminded everyone else just what they were fighting for. Tara was good, and light, and honest, and humble. She was everything Anya respected about humans, yet saw so infrequently. Since Tara's death, everyone seemed to have lost their moral compass, and Anya knew if she could see the way they were all moving out of the light, it must be bad.

“Okay, so, let's get started.” Willow moved to the headstone and then bit her lip. She started to lean against it, then backed away. The cold stone was a solid, indisputable reminder of all she had lost. “So, I'm kinda' winging it here. Just bear with me.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket.

“Were we supposed to bring speeches?” Anya whispered to Buffy. “Why wasn't I told, damn it?”

“Shh,” Buffy said harshly.

Willow took pity on Anya and her other friends. “I'm gonna read a few psalms, and then we can have a short moment of silence while I go over the Kaddish in my head. Then I'll uncover … uh, well, uncover it.” She nodded at the headstone.

“I thought there had to be a minivan for the Kaddish?” Buffy asked.

Willow gave Buffy a baffled look.

“I googled it,” Buffy whined. “It said we need a minivan for a Kaddish.”

Willow leaned slightly forward, looking even more confused.

“The minivan,” Buffy said in a flustered tone. “The minivan to carry the ten Jewish guys?”

Willow giggled and covered her mouth with one hand. Her eyes crinkled and she snorted. “Minyan,” Willow corrected. “God, Buffy, I love ya.” She shook her head. “And we would need a Minyan, a quorum of ten adult male Jews, if the Kaddish was gonna be read. That's why I'm doing it in my head.”

“Which is the last place we'd find ten men,” Anya pointed out.

Xander glared at Anya.

“Well, it is,” Anya protested.

“She's got a point.” Willow said. She cleared her throat. “Okay, so, back to the thing with the thing.” She unfolded the paper in her hand, her temporary mirth fading away.

The service was short, and somber. Willow didn't mention death, or how much she desperately missed Tara, or that she would never truly let her lover go. She went through the steps and uncovered the unpretentious headstone, but the simple act of removing the fabric was too much.

Willow bit her lip and closed her eyes and tears ran down both cheeks. She inhaled deeply, trying to stop her nose from running and trying to gather her strength. Neither effort was completely successful. She used her tissue to wipe her eyes and her nose and tried to lighten the mood. “Okay, so, I don't have a red ribbon to cut, so I guess we're done.” She reached into her pocket and took out a small stone and placed it on the headstone. “I love you, baby,” she whispered. Her hand shook as she touched the cold granite. She took a step back and studied the simple inscription.

Tara Maclay
1980 - 2002
Friend, confidant, and one woman's everything.

It wasn't true to Jewish tradition, written in English, but Willow had already established that her love for Tara didn't fit neatly into any one world.

Willow was silent as Buffy, Dawn, Xander, and Anya each went to the headstone and placed a stone on top of it. She bit the inside of her cheek, hoping the physical pain would anchor her long enough for the final bit of ritual. As soon as the last stone was in place, Willow turned and hurried away.

“Let her go,” Buffy said as she grabbed Dawn's arm. “We'll wait at home.” She knew Willow had walked over, and she also knew that her friend still needed some time alone.

“You know, if that bastard we aren't mentioning wasn't already that thing we aren't mentioning, I'd do that other thing we aren't mentioning to him.” Anya's eyes were locked on the headstone.

“I know who the bastard is, but she lost me with the rest of it,” Xander said. He watched Willow as she stumbled across the cemetery and finally sagged against a small tree.

“She means if that bastard wasn't already dead, she'd disembowel him,” Dawn translated.

Xander smiled fondly at his former girlfriend. For once he agreed with her.

Willow stood under the tree for almost an hour. She heard Xander's car start and then leave, and then she listened to the silence of the cemetery. She took the paper out of her pocket and reread the psalms, taking comfort in the familiar words, but her heart ached at the thought that Tara had moved on.

A breeze stirred the air around her, then warmed her skin. She felt it deep in her chest, filling her with love and peace. A smile crossed Willow's lips. It suddenly occurred to her that Tara's soul was free to move on, free to go wherever she wanted. Apparently, Tara was already where she wanted to be, at Willow's side and in her heart.

Today,me, ah wei and Joy went swimming today. It was all thunder and rain and wet all morning and Mrs. Yeo let us off early so we just walked around at J8 and i ate Long John Silver which is gotten be the last time i'm ever eating at LJS cause i think they are manipulative and cheaters. Anyway, i ate with Salwa, saM and Bear while Joy and Li Wei chatted about stuffs like otherworldly encounters and how their fathers are so similar in the wrong way. And i sat down as i listened to them talk and i thought about my own dad. The rain's finally stopped and sun's up again so we made our way to Bishan Swiming Complex. We tanned till 5pm and now i'm burning and all red. Went to Swensen for dinner. Now i owed Ah Wei 15 bucks for crayfish pasta and then we were treated to durian mooncake after the meal. Ah Wei thought they were expired and we laughed. We realized as long as we spent $50 in a single receipt, we are entitled to having a free snowskin mooncake. Unfortunately, i was too full to finish.

IAP. I'm gotten be posted to some company about the Green Book, like i know anything about it. Joy wanted to do a makeover on me with the money i get from the attachment. Thought it's great!

I woke up this morning, more pissed than usual. Deepa wants to talk about something 'important'. Guess what? She thinks i'm not interested in her anymore. For God's sake! How did things become so hard? I'm probably not programmed to understand her. Now she wants a break. I have to always explained my actions, like why i'm not the one to fix the meeting time to chat..God, even that became an issue. I thought things are supposed to work out but we got brought down so often by unimportant trivals that she always seem to care so much for makes me think this is really not working. She thinks it's a one-side thing, that i'm not working or trying my hardest to maintain this stupid and very frustrating, i must add, friendship. There're always some stupid excuses for her to mistrust me. What the hell is going on here? You want a break, you get one and leave the hell alone. I ain't talking to people who don't believe or have the time to doubt me every other day....I definitely brought this upon my sorry ass!

I really wanted to make a go at it but she's making it extremely hard. She don't understand what i said and she can't even type proper english, that really got on my nerves. I have never ever been so pissed about anyone. I guess we can never be together...

Fuck! this is the 3rd time i'm updating this shit..it didn't load and i lost everythin'.

Met Hana and Maya after a bloody day of school yesterday. Super glad to find us together again like we used to be. Hana suggested a reunion of IO5. I seconded it. Hana and I chilled at Northpoint, talked about she is the heartbreakers/jerks magnet. She kept opening up to the wrong guy and ended up all resigned and battered. She wanted to break her current beau so hard it's gotten stick with him for the rest of his miserable little life. She told me how this guy is treating her like she's nothing and having the mindset that Hana's gotten come running back to him like a kitty cat if they were to break again. Well, that's not gotten happen twice.

School. Little incident happened. Surprised and where the hell did that come from. It was nasty and we got chased out of the class again. Dejú Vu, anyone?

Lunch. Talked about the most talk about person: Alvina. Rumors or lies or truth implied girl had fallen for the other camp. She's changing lanes and could be really seriously fooling around with some girl from an all-girls school. Not sure if she's the liar she is or if it's true. Not that i wanna know. I'm totally uninterested in how she leads her life, she's pretty screwed anyway. I'm pretty upset though, not knowing where it actually came from. A person can NEVER 'become' a homosexual all of a sudden. He/she has to discover herself, come out to the truth and what he/she really wanted to be. It's as normal as life is. Except life's pretty hard and complicated and very unpredictable. Sometimes, a person goes through a very rough patch in life, dashing hopes of love and mistrusting the opposite sex and changing sides. But if it's not what they really really want, they will return back to the 'normal' league eventually and things should be the same. But i'm different, i don't want a butch or a girl who pretends and dresses like a guy. Things are supposed to be simple. Guy+Girl, Girl+Girl and Guy+Guy..not Guy+Girl who pretends to be a GUY or the other way round...it's out of order now..and i can't explain myself or really know people...

Today, rainy day, i met up with Hana and we went to school together, she's staying with her aunt who lives opposite my block and it's very cool cause this was the 1st time we ever went to school today. She lives in Boon Lay... Bumped into her after a long bloody day of school and Maya aka Mrs Tom Welling. They were racking their brains over Accounts. As I join them, a familiar feeling hit. We are together again, the old classmates from COS are together again. It has been so long and i really mean long. Everyone's doing their own stuffs, living a whole new different life outside school. That's why we are thinking a little reunion, like we did during the few last days together. Hanging out at East Coast and staying the night. I miss them already. We chilled at Northpoint and Hana's was telling how she is the jerks/bastards magnet. All she got is a bunch of broken hearts and she's really tired of it...she kept opening her heart to the wrong guy or guys. Right now, she's coming up with a list of how-can-i-break-his-heart-so-bad-he's-gotten-regret-giving-me-up. It's for her current boyfriend. Then she shared with me about this guy who had her heart and apparently hopes that Hana will go back to him..i told her to give it a try. Maybe he ain't as bad...Good, we don't have to kill anyone.

Little thing happened in school, little but surprisely loud and what-the-hell-did-that-come-from kinda of feeling when Mrs. Lee, the PR lecturer picked up names and wanted them to come in front because they were talking, distracting and obstructing her lesson. As if her lesson is ongoing or interesting. Anyway, one of them refused because she thought she didn't talk and therefore should not be picked up and be ordered to be in the front. And of course, Mrs. Lee was furious, talking about how students are king and how teachers are pieces of shit to be trampled up. It was either to leave her lecture or oblige. Torn? Totally. Tried a 'friendly' conversation and lecturer got so pissed, lesson's off and we got locked out from the class. It's like dejá vu, we got ousted out from the same class by another lecturer(JT) the other day. Angrier than this one. I don't know what with lecturers now. I admitted we are really distracting and rude at times but we wanted to study too. And they are not teaching. Doesn't sound right, does it? Students wanna learn but Lecturers want to bail. I don't know..we'll see what happen. We're leaving next April anyway..and Mrs. Yeo confessed how she's gotten miss us..Oh..how sweet. We'll miss her too.

Lunch. Talked about the most talk about person: Alvina. Rumors and probably truth implied that she might be falling for the other side and some girl from an all-girls school is currently showing her the ropes. I was upset, i don't know why...just felt that something is terribly wrong and i'm part of that wrong and wanted to i don't know, explain? Like there's any explanation to it all. If a girl goes with a butch, it's a guy for her at the end of the day. And a person DOES NOT just become homosexual..it's always something that's hurtful or crucial or devastating that would take someone to the other side. Like a realization of who you really are and want. But of course, some people wanted to have a taste of what's its like but eventually they are gotten be in the 'normal' league again and it wouldn't really make no difference. I don't know how to say this, i don't wanna be either defensive or offensive, you know. There's nothing there for me to argue or defend for. Is it always so hard? Always having to figure about what Life is? If Relationship and Life have an upside, i hell never encountered it.

I chatted with her last afternoon, and unsurprisely, there are still issues to be talked about. She asked about why we had to be 'broken up' and whether if it was her fault. And i said no. It's never about her that i felt the way i feel and she knows, somehow. She could understand me when i tried to explain for the millionth times. It was all about Willow and Tara. Their relationship was something i thought i could have but i can't. They were special and my relationship is too and i won't jeopardize that again. So now we're patching, starting all over again in the right direction, giving each other time and space to know and realize what's there. And i'm in a right and comfortable place and i'm enjoying her company more. And then we talked about the couples in Buffy, the most loved and hated couples. It's been a long time since we talked Buffy and i like it. We're chatting this afternoon and i'm supposed to tell her about a typical day of my life. I'm willing to tell her everything. I really hope things will work out for us.

"All things in this universe are possible." "Scratch that. Most things are possible." Something i can't get out of my head. I'm reading this story about a girl who's bent on resurrecting her dead girlfriend and how much pain she has to go through, including living a life where life doesn't exist anymore. And when you thought things can't get any worse, the spirit of her dead girlfriend appeared before her in a very see-through kinda of spector and in her bloodstained blouse(evidence of her fucking death) which she can't neither touch or see very clearly but she could definitely hear her. Hear her comments about how wrong and disappointed and in pain she would eventually end up. Of course, her advice fell on deaf ears and i read on very painfully, knowing the 'finale' of her actions very well in my heart: that she will never bring her back. "Is that why you came back? To torment me?" "No, i came back to be your conscience." Ouch! that must have pierced like a thousand knives. I certainly felt so. Anyway, it's a trilogy collection and i'm at book number 2. More pain and more disappointment.

Today, i went to the YRP fair, watched Taufik sang and watched how Yanti & Bear are getting along the hysterical line as they tried to take pictures of him. It was a hot day and i had to wake up 8 on a saturday morning. I've not been feeling well since the eye infection. I can't seem to be able to focus on anything too long. I get slight discomfort and i'm super-drained all the time. Heard stories and seen the talents of the inmates who desperately wanted a new life. It's pretty cool and we had lots of freebies to take home with, esp. Bear.

I heard about how the polys are not taking in ITE students...i'm worried, i must say, for that's probably the only place i could go unless my mum struck lottery which is highly unlikely to happen in my lifetime and it's precisely why i had to come up with a PLAN B. I'm considering the police academy but they gonna cut my hair short and i won't have that and it could be boring! so we'll see. I hope it's not true cause i still wanna do law & management in TP.

Downloaded several songs and video clips and have been watching since 1.30 in the morning. Forgot about VIDEO MUSIC AWARD on MTV tonight, damn! but i managed to watch clips like Kelly Clarkson and Mariah Carey on overdrive.mtv.com which is super cool! It's Kelly Clarkson live, you can't ask for more! I'm planning to watch Charmed, Lost and O.C. tomorrow..finished up everything and maybe if inspiration knocks, i could continue my story.